sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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