Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Randomize
