So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I'm bleeding and have questions
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
