she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
