I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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