He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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