i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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