if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I'm passing your future prison.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
