the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
