I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
you will always have a special place in my vag
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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