I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
