The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
