Will you blow on my dice?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
