All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
