i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
