ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
