he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
