I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
