Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
