by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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