now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Randomize
