I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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