dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
