it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
