Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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