how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
