Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
