Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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