i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
