She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
