forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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