this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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