Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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