Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Randomize
