Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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