does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
