Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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