The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
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