My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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