she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
