so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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