i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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