Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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