what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
