and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
