did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize