Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
