They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
