bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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