Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
