We're like a lot better than the average bears
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
