We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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