I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
