You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
