I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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