My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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