you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
