My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
