That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
