Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
