mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
