I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize