I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
