Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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