so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
