It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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