Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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