Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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