I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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