i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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