If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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