If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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