He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
