Farmville is her only friend.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
