stop calling my apartment porn island.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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