Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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