I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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