I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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