ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
