I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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