Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Barsexuality is the new black.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
