I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize