We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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