I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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