The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
