6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
