O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
