Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
