She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
