i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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