Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
It's shark week go big or go home
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
