you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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