I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
