If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
