Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
