textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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