I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
