It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
