she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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