So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
