I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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