pedialite and red bull = repair kit
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
