dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
