I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Dignity is for republicans.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
