He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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