Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
