I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
