I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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