his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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